She wears her tears on her blouse - Confused and r

Ok, I should being asleep right now, but I'm not. I haven't slept for more than about 2,5-5 hours/ night for the last 3 years. I guess that's one of the reason why I'm this overweight.
I'm embaressed of thinking about me, walking around wraped up in pure denial and not being honest to myself. I'm not kidding, it's true that I've been pretending that I'm thin and that I can wear clothes that shows off a bit or/and are tight. But the truth is the complete oposite!

Well, for the last years the truth has been taking in on me, and like during year 2006 it really reached and kind of embraced me and my soul. It's like I've been enlighted or something. I'm aware of the fact that I neigther can nor are allowed to eat as much as I used to do. The best for me would be, stop eating and just go for liquids like tea, coffee and in worst case diet soda. Today was a really good "food day" from my point of view:

breakfast: 1 cup of coffee
snack: -
lunch: 1 cup of coffee
snack: -
dinner: -
other: 20 chewing gums

I'm supposed to go to my class in Spanish grammar, but honestly, I'm gonna miss that one on purpose. But I still have to take the bus into town anyway,'cause I have to go to the bank and fix a code so that I can pay bills on the Internet again. And most important, I gotta go to the gym for like an hour and a half and work on the back of my enormous thighs.

Now I'm gonna listen to some relaxing music, like acoustic versions of Placebo. Placebo's my favourite group if you wanted to know...

//Elin xoxo

Here I am once again. I bought my very own computer the other day, it's a pink laptop and it's really cute! And I just realised that it (hopefully) will be a lot more easy to use your time better than before, you know,it's not that easy to write or even read in a bumpy bus, especially not for me since I easily feel sick during almost every bus ride.

I got a comment on the other contribution as I wrote about honesty. I'm not saying I was constant liar in grade school, but I wasn't honest, especially not to myself. Afraid of become a bullying victim I chose to put on a mask every single day I went to school. I still shudder when I'm thinking about the way I dressed during the dreadful years in hign school. Like a wannabe snob or something, anywany, not a nice sight

Then during the last two months in high school, I was 14,5 years old and I felt it was time to make up with all the hypocrites around me in school. So, I started to change the way I dressed and wore "my own" clothes and I came out as a bisexual. Nowadays it's not a big deal, but for me, growing up in a quarter with a conservative and narrow-minded sight on everything, it was really hard. But looking bad at it I feel a lot of pride inside.

So there you fo, a bisexual girl, and what more? Well, I don't know what I should tell. Let's say it like this: I have some food issues going on. But above all weight issues. Since I'm rather overweight, or fat I'm trying to hold a diet,as strict as possivle and work out as often as I can.  Some people around me are telling me to slow down 'cause I'm thin already (according to them), but you know what? THEY ARE LIARS! They all know very well that I need to loose weight, but they're all "nice people" so they can't tell me the truth.
And worst of all, they´re trying to convince me to believe that I'm wrong, eventhough it'spretty obvious that I'm too big.

This is the real beginning to be honest to myself.

And here are two pictures of me that I took yesterday with my webcam (that is built- in to the laptop).

Ok, so here we go. I never thought I would enter the blogsphere,but here I am, writing on my new blog page. Yes, I do have another one, and I used to write there, in a very open and honest way about my thougts about everything and some more,but since my friends found out about the blog they started to be concerned about me. But I don't think that the understand me and can't see things from my point of view...And well, then I came to a point where I felt like it wasn't OK to write the complete truth about my feelings 'cause I knew that my friends would read it and...and then it would be really hard for me, facing all there concerns.

So,let's hope this time it will be better. And I will get a chance to improve my English as well ^^